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July 28th, 2010
By Guest Blogger Vijay Aluwalia
What is Feedback?
Most of us have worked in the corporate arena at some point, so we are used to the idea of feedback in the workspace. We have all given feedback, we’ve all received it, we know it’s necessary, we understand the purpose – or do we? If our goal of feedback relates to encouraging a person to continue in a specific way (so that the desired result is ‘sustained’) or to encourage a change in approach (so that the desired result is ‘attained’) then how mindful are we really, when it comes to how we choose to communicate our ‘feedback’?
Dale Carnegie summarizes this lack of awareness very well. “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain … and most fools do.” {I would replace the word fool with person but I think you get my point.}
Here’s a typical workplace scenario most of us can relate to - Someone does something a little annoying and not to your taste. You leave it for a while. The same actions keep occurring over time. Everyone deals with it in a nice manner. It’s inconvenient but nothing is said. Then one day, the consequences are significant for you personally, your temper increases, and you let them have it. Quite a strong message is delivered and you leave thinking you have solved the issue and that you are a “champion of feedback.”
Pretty run of the mill stuff right? Let’s take a step back a moment. Who was the subject? A coworker - presumably human with feelings? What was the objective? To encourage change? There are a few different definitions of encourage but nearly all of them center around the idea of mental support, motivation, hope, and spirit.
So, with this objective in mind, how likely is it that the tactics used were the right ones?
What are some of the coach approach skills you have learned that can help you create more desirable dialogue? For some examples of these and to read our 4 simple rules to follow, please come visit us at www.varune.com.
By Guest Blogger Vijay Aluwalia,
Varune, Project Leadership
Tags: feedback, relationships, workplace
Posted in Business Development, Coaching and Coach Training, Energy Leadership, Training Programs, Upcoming Events & Workshops
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July 27th, 2010
It’s funny how a difference in perspective or opinion in any conversation can change the entire dynamic of what is being said. The tone, the energy, as well as any levels of defense and/or offense will all drastically shift depending on the amount of conflict taking place. In a sense, people stop listening and start ‘insisting’ instead. So the question becomes: How do we recognize conflict before it takes over our ability to communicate effectively?
When we are 110% convinced that we see the whole truth and nothing but the truth, we (understandably) stop taking into consideration that what someone else is saying could have ANY truth! We quickly form stories, back up our decisions, and shape our future perspectives based off of what we’re sure we already know. The challenge in that scenario is that most likely, whomever we’re having this conflict with is doing the exact same thing.
So, if everyone’s digging into their own point of view, who’s watching for assumptions, mis-interpretations, and that tricky moving target called the “truth”?
Well hopefully, after reading this blog, YOU are! One way to save a lot of time, energy, and frustration during your next argument (and by no means am I wishing an argument upon you, but “hypothetically” if this were to occur) is to first remember to breathe. After that, recognize that anxiety as a warning sign from your body that your thoughts are not as comfortable as your mind would like them to be. Your mind and body are kind of saying “wait a minute, maybe we’re ALL missing a bit of information and understanding.”
When you get that feeling — when you are suddenly aware that there is more conflict in your conversation then there is communication — I suggest the following: Stop for just a moment, acknowledge your awareness of this feeling internally, and then re-enter the conversation with curiosity and…
• identify what’s trying to be achieved by the group and by each party
• search out and name the common viewpoints and intentions
• isolate the thinking and perspective behind the difference of opinion
• acknowledge why each person has a different view
• separate the “hot button” issue from side, ancillary issues
• agree that each person’s key hot buttons are important
• work together to meet each other’s remaining needs
• institute a common goal to create alignment in this conversation, as opposed to figuring out ‘who is right’
Conflict arises for many reasons, but clarity can help dissipate any negative energy and/or emotions very quickly.
Take the coach approach and ask insightful, empowering questions to clarify. Then re-focus, shift energy, and create alignment.
D. Luke Iorio
President and CEO
Tags: leadership
Posted in Coaching and Coach Training, Energy Leadership
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July 21st, 2010
By Guest bloggers Judith Ansara & Robert Gass
Welcome back for our 3rd week of guest blogging here at iPEC. We are excited to continue our series for those of you interested in developing a coaching niche around working with couples. Here is the second of three of our favorite practices that will help steer you towards success in your work with couples.
Stay future and solution focused.
Most couples love to talk about the past. Who did what? And in what order did things happen? (This helps in affixing appropriate blame .) They will never agree about the past. (Think Palestinians and Israelis trying to agree on what really happened in 1948.) Nothing good comes of these debates about history, yet couples keep falling into this.
The trick: Don’t let them talk about the past. Diligently and forcefully keep the conversations focused on the present and the future. Let them talk about the problems only long enough that everyone sees the issue. Then insist that the conversations be about what they do want. And most importantly, possible solutions—what each of them can do to create what they want.
We’ll be back in two weeks with our 3rd and final Couples Coaching Tip as well as some tools to use in alignment with these tips.
Judith Ansara, MSW, & Robert Gass, EdD, have been married since 1969 and have worked together with thousands of couples over the past 30 years. Judith Ansara & Robert Gass have been married since 1968 and have worked together with thousands of couples over the past 30 years. For more information, including a video about Judith, Robert and their unique transformational retreats for couples, please click here: http://sacredunion.com/site/?page_id=21
Tags: focus
Posted in Coaching and Coach Training, Energy Leadership
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July 19th, 2010
Start your week with some inspiration from iPEC!
We are all hedonists – seeking pleasure and avoiding pain at all cost. But by avoiding pain we also avoid the value in the pain, which is the lesson offered by the experience.
We usually experience pain when we are somehow out of our natural rhythm of life. Look at the pain as a teacher and you may see it as a opportunity to grow.
Peace comes when you stop labeling pain as bad.
Hopefully, you’ll never have to apply this week’s principle. But if the next time you experience pain you are able to step back and look at it as an opportunity, the feelings that often accompany pain, such as victimization and anger, will subside.
—Bruce D Schneider, MCC,
Founder, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)
www.ipeccoaching.com
Tags: attitude
Posted in Monday Morning Motivation
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July 15th, 2010
I am honored to take on the position as CEO of the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC). I’ve had the fortunate experience of working side-by-side with our founder, Bruce D Schneider, for more than 6 years now and have received more inspiration, benefits, and growth than can be listed here. I’m looking forward to continuing to work with Bruce as he remains our Chairman of the Board and an integral part of our strategic development, and also with the rest of the extraordinary team here at iPEC.
On a more personal note, I’m very fortunate to be a ‘product’ of iPEC – I started as a student, graduated and worked as a coach, and have been part of the team for the past 6 years. As an organization, we live and breathe our principles and our coaching methodology – it’s who we are and what we do, and it ripples throughout the organization. You’ll see it in our support team, our trainers, our admissions coaches, our leadership, and ultimately our graduates.
Being around a highly engaged and energetic team and the iPEC alumni community provides me the chance to continually develop while being inspired. This is what ‘work’ and life is supposed to be like.
I’m excited to assume this post and work with our Institute to provide a clear voice for the coaching marketplace as we support our graduate coaches and leaders in making a substantial difference in the lives, careers, and businesses of their clients and employees. Thank you for the difference you are making.
Live on fire!
D. Luke Iorio
President and CEO
Tags: iPEC, Luke Iorio
Posted in Business Development, Coaching and Coach Training, Current Affairs, Uncategorized
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