Ever been in an argument or have a “misunderstanding” that results in you and the other party getting locked into your own points of view? If this hasn’t happened to you, welcome to Planet Earth and the human race!

Step back from one of these arguments and take a look at the difference in perspective and try to ascertain what that difference is REALLY about. Many arguments ignore the fact that the two (or more) parties actually have the same goal; they are actually trying to accomplish the same thing, but they get tied up in HOW they want that goal achieved, which stems from each of us believing we have the monopoly on great ideas and the right way to do things.

Instead, let’s get really simple here: Which is more important to you – the goal or the way it gets achieved?

Now, when I say “the way it gets achieved,” I’m not talking about breaching ethical guidelines or acting inappropriately for the sake of accomplishment; I’m simply talking about how stuck we get in doing things our way.

When you re-acknowledge the goal – the real goal – it now opens conversation:
a) to identify the options already on the table from current parties; and,
b) to inquire as to what other options could accomplish this goal.

Look for the opportunity to draw out new ideas and new options from others, acknowledge what you’ve heard to make sure you heard it right, and build a list. Then, go through each option with each person acknowledging, first, what they like and, then, discussing any possible concerns so that you can be sure you weigh the pros and cons. Look for opportunities for how the ideas might build off one another.

This process usually leads to great new alternatives, which meet the real goal while, also, representing and balancing everyone’s concerns.

But, you can only get there by going back up the mountain to the real goal. Next time that argument comes up, be the calm voice in the room that offers a new perspective and an empowering question that opens up the possibilities. Be a coach.

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

Tags: attitude, choice, creativity, intentions, leadership, new perspective

This entry was posted on Wednesday, July 6th, 2011 at 1:00 pm and is filed under Business Development, D. Luke Iorio - iPEC CEO, leadership. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.