Here’s a little tid bit about me. I’m a huge Steely Dan fan!

Well, actually, I’m not. A good friend of mine, however, is a BIG fan of their music. In fact, it’s a running joke between us. In our youth, whenever I would be over at his place and one of their songs came on, I would suggest he play some Gregorian chants or a compilation of wild animal fight sounds, instead. Over the years, the good-natured teasing has simply become a knowing nod and a laugh from each of us. To his credit, his support of their music is unwavering. It’s something he really enjoys.

In our younger, more formative years, there was a lot of pressure to fit in, socially– to listen to the “popular” music, watch the same shows, wear the hottest styles, (as heralded by our mainstream culture), and to hang with the cool clique. These are just the minor aspects of social pressure! As we grow older, it can be challenging, at times, to be an individual and to remain true to oneself, still clinging to societal standards. In becoming (overly) concerned with how others view us, we lose sight of who we really are. 

Fitting-in ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be!

Each of our own “weird little worlds” and eccentricities make us unique. These aren’t effects to hide behind; rather they’re characteristics to revel in–characteristics which make us who we are, and bring us (and hopefully others!) much joy and laughter. Just as we should delight-in, share, and celebrate our own uniqueness, we ought to allow, encourage, and invite others to do the very same. Afterall, doing so creates an immense amount of fun and fulfillment, and provides us the opportunity to enjoy what we truly enjoy.  

How has embracing who you really are, and sharing that with others, allowed you to enjoy what you truly enjoy?

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

I recently heard someone describe consciousness as “discerning awareness.”  I like the connotation this lends itself to – that it’s not only about being aware, but it’s also about the ability to both recognize AND understand what’s coming up within yourself — and what’s going on around you.  Too often, we get stuck believing what we see in front of us – i.e. our particular perception of events or people; that’s all that we’re aware of – that one view.  However, discernment takes it deeper; it adds objectivity, perhaps a little distance, and some exploration and reflection.

So with that in mind, some reflection…

Over the past few weeks, I realized that this very process was playing out for me. I have a good friend who’s been looking to make some very important changes for herself, in terms of self-leadership and her ability to connect with others.  As I was observing this situation and relationship, I became aware that she wasn’t making the progress that she wanted to be making, and that the support I’d been offering (at her request) wasn’t going to help get her there, either.  I was a bit frustrated as we talked, and realized that we both expected that she’d be further along by now.

As I often do when expectations don’t match up, I recognized this as a sign or a symptom and started to reverse engineer – from the outcome I’m seeing to what may be the cause.  Some of the lingering issues for my friend remained and I began to recognize I was actually being too supportive. Sometimes it’s good to let someone fall on their rear end.

Seeking Other Perspectives

How did I finally get to this conclusion and come up with a new means of support (which she agreed to)?  I sought out other perspectives. I sought out the different perspectives from people who I knew would have different ideas and approaches…people who had different values and strengths…people who I knew could challenge and broaden my perspective. 

First came awareness. And then came a plan to increase my discernment – to help me more effectively understand what was going on.

Consider a situation for yourself that isn’t measuring up to expectations. What are the points you’re aware of? What are ways you could broaden and deepen your awareness? What’s your role in the situation or relationship? What’s working? Why? What’s not? And, why might that be?

Last point. Awareness kicks off the process. Next comes understanding to gain more perspective and information. And then comes reflection and discernment. However, it does NOT stop there. Until you take action on what you’ve come to understand, you won’t integrate what you’ve learned – and you won’t, therefore, expand your consciousness. 

And so, one final question to add to the slew of questions above. What specific next steps are you going to take with the situation you’ve just considered?

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)