Subscribe (RSS)It’s funny how a difference in perspective or opinion in any conversation can change the entire dynamic of what is being said. The tone, the energy, as well as any levels of defense and/or offense will all drastically shift depending on the amount of conflict taking place. In a sense, people stop listening and start ‘insisting’ instead. So the question becomes: How do we recognize conflict before it takes over our ability to communicate effectively?
When we are 110% convinced that we see the whole truth and nothing but the truth, we (understandably) stop taking into consideration that what someone else is saying could have ANY truth! We quickly form stories, back up our decisions, and shape our future perspectives based off of what we’re sure we already know. The challenge in that scenario is that most likely, whomever we’re having this conflict with is doing the exact same thing.
So, if everyone’s digging into their own point of view, who’s watching for assumptions, mis-interpretations, and that tricky moving target called the “truth”?
Well hopefully, after reading this blog, YOU are! One way to save a lot of time, energy, and frustration during your next argument (and by no means am I wishing an argument upon you, but “hypothetically” if this were to occur) is to first remember to breathe. After that, recognize that anxiety as a warning sign from your body that your thoughts are not as comfortable as your mind would like them to be. Your mind and body are kind of saying “wait a minute, maybe we’re ALL missing a bit of information and understanding.”
When you get that feeling — when you are suddenly aware that there is more conflict in your conversation then there is communication — I suggest the following: Stop for just a moment, acknowledge your awareness of this feeling internally, and then re-enter the conversation with curiosity and…
• identify what’s trying to be achieved by the group and by each party
• search out and name the common viewpoints and intentions
• isolate the thinking and perspective behind the difference of opinion
• acknowledge why each person has a different view
• separate the “hot button” issue from side, ancillary issues
• agree that each person’s key hot buttons are important
• work together to meet each other’s remaining needs
• institute a common goal to create alignment in this conversation, as opposed to figuring out ‘who is right’
Conflict arises for many reasons, but clarity can help dissipate any negative energy and/or emotions very quickly.
Take the coach approach and ask insightful, empowering questions to clarify. Then re-focus, shift energy, and create alignment.
D. Luke Iorio
President and CEO
Tags: leadership