Alright, so in a previous post on How NOT to Negotiate in Today’s World, I might have been a little tough on our federal budget negotiations – but at least they did provide us with a model that leaves plenty of opportunity for growth.

I wanted to post a few alternative approaches to negotiation that come from a Coach Centric™ perspective.  I’ve employed these approaches on countless occasions, in a wide variety of situations, and I’m always very pleased with how things turn out.

First, we need to start with the current perceptions surrounding negotiation.

Typically, you mention negotiation and people cringe thinking, “oh great, now we get to haggle” – as if you’re about to buy a car.  Negotiation in this sense becomes a win/lose competition – who’s going to get the better end of the deal.  If you like that approach, you’ll have a lot of fun while buying a car or going to a flea market, but when it comes to creating long-term relationships in business and in life, you may want to peek at the rest of this post, as I want us to get away from this antiquated approach.

Far away, actually.

Let’s start by redefining negotiation. What if you thought about negotiating as two or more parties collaborating to come up with the best possible solution for all?  The vast majority of negotiating is about finding a beneficial solution for everyone involved.  With that in mind, here are a few Coach Centric™ tips to set you up for your success:

1)    Define the Purpose of the Negotiation – what’s our common goal?  Be clear, right up front, about why both parties are talking in the first place and what you, as a group (a team even!), are trying to accomplish.

2)    Transparent Agendas – the old rule was to keep your cards close to your vest.  Do you know why individuals on both sides of a negotiation feel manipulated and think the other side is hiding something?  IT’S BECAUSE THEY ARE (…if they’re following the old negotiator’s handbook)!  Be transparent.  Put your agenda and what you’re trying to achieve on the table.  This makes it easier to understand where each other’s resistance and concerns are coming from, and can even put you on the same side in trying to figure it out together!

3)    Acknowledge and Demonstrate an Understanding of the Other Parties’ Key Issues – know why those issues are important, significant, valued – don’t leave it as “assumed.”  Acknowledge openly and out-loud what you’ve heard from the other party.  Demonstrate that you understand what they’re saying AND why they’re saying it.  List out the key areas that are most important to each side and identify why they’re important.  Then, relate these issues to #1 above – the common purpose.  All the issues should be related.  Anything that isn’t related should be a separate conversation.

4)    Clarify, Clarify, Clarify – and did I mention clarify?  A quick way to stymie a negotiation is to leave questions unasked, statements unsaid, and key words and expectations undefined.  Be curious and ask questions to confirm information and expectations, even if it seems obvious… because it’s often not as obvious as you might think.

5)    Places of Similarity – close the gaps as quick as you can.  If you have areas of agreement or similarity where agreement can be reached more easily, get that taken care of immediately and then, get it outlined and documented.  Many negotiations don’t take into account that with a common goal, 70 – 80% of what each party wants overlaps and can be reconciled fairly quickly.  Start with these agreements so that you can focus on the 20 – 30% where new alternatives are actually needed (and acknowledge to each other how close you actually are to a solution!).

6)    Combine Ideas/Agendas Where Possible – in addition to similarities, use points/ideas from the other parties’ plan or perspective that help the overall agenda.  It’s quite possible the other party thought of something you didn’t that may work quite well for all.  Get those incorporated into the solution and close that gap even further, and give recognition to the other side for contributing the idea.

7)    Identify Alternatives, NOT Simply Areas of Compromise – the focus should be on coming up with new alternatives and approaches, not on “giving in” or “making concessions.”  When you make concessions – especially if it’s anything remotely important to you (and if it’s not important, don’t make it out to be important just for negotiation’s sake), then you’re reducing how bought in you could possibly be to the ultimate solution.  If there are any remaining gaps, use brainstorming (with both sides involved) to see how many new alternatives you can come up with to bridge those few gaps.

8)    Gauge Buy-In – don’t finalize everything until you can look at each party sitting around the table (or on the conference call, Skype, or otherwise) and hear back a confident affirmation that s/he is ready to move forward.  If you hear trepidation or hesitancy, question it with curiosity and say, “I can hear you’re not totally there yet. What is it that might have you holding back just a bit from being totally bought in?”

9)    Recap All Agreements and Actions While Still Together – don’t walk away from the conversation without recapping what’s been agreed to and the remaining actions to be taken.  Make sure everyone is on the same page at that moment and then, follow it up in writing ASAP.  You don’t want the energy to drop by re-discussing all the points that were already agreed upon.

So there you go.  Use these Coach Centric™ tips and see what new solutions and progress you can make!

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)