Coaching Excellence blog

The Power of “Why”

May 8th, 2013

Photo Attribution: Wiertz Sabastien (Flickr)‘Why’ – one simple word that contains a powerful question within it.

There’s been a lot of focus on the power of “why,” in terms of understanding one’s motivation and what truly drives individuals to go after whatever it is they’re seeking.

I’d like to take a different look at ‘why’ in terms of understanding, well…anything! To do this, let’s be clear about what we want from ‘why.’ (Say that 10x fast!)

We don’t want to use ‘why’ to make people justify themselves.  Someone shouldn’t be left thinking, “Why do I have to explain myself?” Instead, they should be thinking, “How can I explain myself?”

The first question represents someone in a defensive posture, while the second is about building understanding – and that’s what we want from ‘why.’

‘Why’ – when asked from a place of curiosity – can create great understanding and bridge immense gaps. A curious ‘why’ gets someone considering, “so what led me to think, feel, or do that?” “Hmmm…why did I approach it that way?”

Such curiosity can offer great self-awareness and insight.

And yet, all too often, we assume we know ‘why.’ We fill in the gaps of the story with our own version of ‘why,’ which, coincidentally, reinforces whatever view we already had. Funny how that works out!

So, next time you’re a little confounded by what’s going on, or when you feel yourself getting a little worked-up (at yourself or someone else), start asking yourself:

- Why do I think that’s the case?
- Why am I interpreting things this way?
- What’s leading me to draw that conclusion?
- What’s making me feel this way?
- Why does it have to be this way?
- Why couldn’t it be different?

But beware: you may just stumble onto a light bulb moment of deeper meaning and clearer understanding.

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

Seeing is Believing

December 3rd, 2012

Believe that you can attain what you want.

What has the past told you about your ability to reduce your weight, or to stop smoking, or even to maintain an exercise program? Experience is a teacher, and unfortunately, a powerful teacher because what you experienced seems so “real” to you.

But in order for you to be fully energetically engaged, you’ll want to release any assumption that just because something happened in the past, it means it will repeat itself.

Remember that history does not create the future – you do, and if you believe that you can’t stick with your aspirations, that core belief will be manifested. Challenge any belief about your ability to achieve your goal, any doubts you have about your deserving to reach them, and any fears that you have when you do finally get there.

If you don’t believe that you’re capable or deserving of what you desire, your core energy will be providing a message that says, “DON’T BRING IT TO ME.”

As the New Year approaches, how can you shift your beliefs and actively envision your future resolutions in order to attain what you truly desire?

—Bruce D Schneider, MCC, PhD
Founder, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

(Today’s blog is excerpted from iPEC’s self-mastery personal development program, The Law of Being.)

Apples to Apples…You Are What You Eat

November 19th, 2012

Making changes to your physical body requires you to take a good look at the choices you make about what you eat.  As with exercise, it’s a matter of connecting the choices you make with the outcome you really want.

Food and nutrition mean different things to different people. Some people think food is love, some think of it as entertainment, some equate it with comfort.

People eat when they’re sad, when they’re happy, when it’s time to eat, when they’re bored – and for many reasons. And yet, not too many people eat just because they’re actually hungry!

Really, food is just energy for your body. Like a car needs fuel to make it run, your body needs its own fuel to function.

If we are what we eat, then how do you define food and nutrition for yourself in order to connect choices with your desired outcomes?   

—Bruce D Schneider, MCC, PhD
Founder, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

(Today’s blog is excerpted from iPEC’s self-mastery personal development program, The Law of Being.)

In the “I” of the Storm

October 29th, 2012

During a storm, the water under the surface is still calm.

While the storms of our life create much turbulence and anxiety, remember that there is peace within.

Anxiety comes from our perception of an outer event. If you were able to see things and situations for what they really are, just things and situations, and avoid judging those as bad, you would remain calm more often than not.

This week, when confronted by a stressful event, take a deep breath and remember the calm within.

—Bruce D Schneider, MCC, PhD, Founder
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

The Spider Web

October 17th, 2012

Okay, for those who are squeamish about bugs, especially spiders, let me apologize in advance. Bear with me, and maybe you’ll feel differently in a bit.

First, let me tell you, I’m more of a bug “shooing” type of person rather than a bug killer. If they leave me alone, I leave them alone. Bugs and I have an unstated, yet understood, agreement.

I simply say, “You keep to your business, and I’ll keep to mine. I promise not to go into your house, and you stay out of mine.”

Our de facto pact has served us both quite well.

Until I Got Caught Up In The Web  

Unfortunately, the other night, while out with the dog, I had the unpleasant experience of walking squarely into a huge spider web. (I’m not saying I needed The Phial of Galadriel, but it would have proven handy had I borrowed it from Frodo.)

I scraped the web from my face and hair, and spit out the bits that naturally went in my mouth. Not pleased, but undeterred from spending some quality time with the fur ball (nonetheless repressing his doggie laughter), I carried on.

After throwing the ball for the hundredth time, it was time for dinner. Walking back to the house, I noticed the spider rebuilding his web. Perhaps he was a tad disappointed that I had escaped his snare. (I’m sure he would have been immortalized by his spider friends had he been successful in snaring me for a meal.)

But, he didn’t seem angry or stressed; he was just reweaving his spectacular web…basically, doing what spiders do.

It got me thinking.

Here’s this spider that spent all this time constructing an architectural masterpiece, only to have it destroyed by a quarry too large for its purpose. His initial attempt had failed. Yet, he just returned to doing what it is that he does.  It’s his job to build a web.  His purpose.

How often do we have our creations, either intentionally or unintentionally, torn down?  How do we respond?  Do we lose our focus?  Do we rebuild our webs?

Every day, we fail at something, and that’s a wonderful thing. It’s not the failure that matters. It’s how we respond to the failure. How we are better for simply trying. We must learn from these experiences. We must never quit building our webs or living to our purpose!

It seems that we could learn a lot from this little spider.

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)