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April 4th, 2012
R-E-S-P-E-C-T… Find out what it means to…
Respect. It’s a very common value among many people from all walks of life. We want to be respected for who we are and what we contribute.
And “respect” is one of the values that I see at the center of the vast majority of conflicts.
People largely define respect as something they are or are not receiving from someone else – it’s literally being defined as something separate or external to yourself – meaning it’s completely out of your control.
Respect is also defined in terms of criteria as to whether you feel others have valued or honored you. That criteria could also be seen as a list of ways that you judge other people’s actions and intentions.
We talk, relate, work, and socialize with others, all day long. And during times of stress or challenge, we or “they” may not take the time to polish up every conversation or thought, something doesn’t go as planned or is misconstrued in conversation, and then… here it comes… wait for it… “They disrespected me!” And the wall goes up, and openness goes out the window (which is then slammed shut because, hey, you’ve been disrespected.)
People usually do not intend to disrespect others – they intend to respect themselves and their values; just as you respect your own.
Consider what you really value when you think about respect or honor (or feeling valued). Most people are looking for understanding (and to be understood), to be able to speak up and be heard, or to have their perspective be truly considered.
Consider what it would do for you if you re-wired your value around respect and, instead, said that you had a value for understanding. How would this value show up in your life, work, relationships, and communication? And, most importantly, in times of challenge, miscommunication, negotiation, even conflict, what would be different for you in how this value of understanding shows up (as opposed to how the value of respect formerly showed up)?
Live on Fire!
D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)
PS> A reminder… Living on “Fire” is driven by knowledge, consciousness, and wisdom. It is not about being burned up by our interpretations or the limitations that we box ourselves in by – even when those limitations are masquerading as values.
Tags: change, choice, expectations, intentions, judging others, new perspective, possibilities
Posted in D. Luke Iorio - iPEC CEO
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March 26th, 2012
Whether you realize it or not, experiencing Love is all you really want. Money, treasures, even good health and better relationships are all things you think that you need. But they are only strategies - means, not ends.
If your happiness is dependent on something outside of you, then your happiness is an illusion that can vanish once that person, place or thing is gone.
People with a lot of lower levels of energy are at the effect of the world. Something happens, or someone says something, and they go from being happy to unhappy at the drop of a dime. Those with higher levels of consciousness, though, create happiness as they choose. That doesn’t mean that higher energy people are always happy. It means they don’t judge unhappiness as a bad thing, and so, are able to experience life’s pains in the moment, instead of making mountains out of molehills, or holding on to painful experiences long after they happen.
—Bruce D Schneider, MCC, PhD
Founder, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)
(Today’s blog is excerpted from iPEC’s self-mastery personal development program, The Law of Being.)
Tags: choice, consciousness, expectations, intentions, new perspective, reframing, self-improvement
Posted in Bruce D Schneider - iPEC Founder, Law of Being
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March 21st, 2012
I’ll go out on a limb and say that you probably know your viewpoints, extremely well. You are very familiar with what you see, believe, and want… and, in this, familiarity comes: The Filter!
Life coaching and executive coaching (really, all niches of coaching) pulls back the veil on the filters that we all have. You cannot possibly see everything, at all angles, and from all different perspectives. And, even if you could, you wouldn’t have had all the experiences that other people have had, so as to truly view events through their eyes. In being aware that you have filters, you can seek to understand what they are (for yourselves) and seek information that expands your view and, thus, your options.
Start, in any situation, by considering: What are you not seeing?
Consider the perspective someone else might have and why that perspective is perfectly valid for them and from where they sit.
Consider the events and the likely thoughts, patterns, and views that have been left unspoken and underlie what leads to the current situation.
Consider your own reactions and why certain events either bothered you so immensely, or excited you while it bothered others.
Consider the differences in multiple perspectives and why each of those different perspectives contains more and more of the complete picture.
Consider that what you’re seeing, in front of you, is just information – with no meaning… until that meaning is breathed into life from all different views.
Our brains operate rapidly and efficiently. Our brain will select past experiences and assumptions and apply them to current circumstances, and they often miss a whole lot of new information UNLESS we tell it to look for this new information and different perspectives.
“What are you not seeing?” – a simple question that quite literally opens up a whole new world of possibilities for you.
Live on Fire!
D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)
Tags: choice, intentions, judging others, new perspective
Posted in D. Luke Iorio - iPEC CEO
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March 20th, 2012
The concept of duality is an important one to understand. Everything that we know of only exists in relationship to something else. There cannot be a left without a right.
The only way to know pleasure is to experience pain.
Fear lets you know, by experience, what Love is not. Fear helps you know fearlessness in its absence.
We experience loss to know by experience what it is like to be invulnerable.
The purpose of your life so far, is to know your true Self by comparison.
You can’t know that you are a being of unlimited potential, until you experience a perceived level of inadequacy. That way, once you remember the truth about who you are, you will have a basis for comparison and, in fact you might recognize yourself for the first time.
This week think about the concept of duality. How might recognizing that everything exists only in a relationship to something else alter the way that you view the world, or help you remember the purpose of experiences such as pain, as they occur?
—Bruce D Schneider, MCC, PhD
Founder, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)
(Today’s blog is excerpted from iPEC’s self-mastery personal development program, The Law of Being.)
Tags: finding purpose, new perspective, reframing
Posted in Bruce D Schneider - iPEC Founder, Law of Being
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March 14th, 2012
Coaching leads with questions. It seeks understanding. It seeks to know what’s important to the other person. It seeks buy-in. It seeks broadening perspectives. It seeks conscious decisions. And, in doing so, opens up the conversation to allow two parties to find solutions and opportunities that align their interests (usually coming out way ahead, collectively, rather than just one party winning more than the other).
Telling is about your agenda. It seeks to direct. It uses your experience and perspective and says, “this is the way I want things done.” It’s not open for discussion. It’s good to use for relaying information that people are seeking, but it’s very limited in leading others.
Selling is also about your agenda. It’s open for discussion, because that discussion will allow you to persuade the other person to buy into your viewpoint. Okay, so I guess it’s not really open for discussion. It’s a discussion that’s meant to guide people. It’s great for debates, but it turns out that it’s becoming less and less effective, even in the field of sales. Selling can be inauthentic in an era in which people are very tuned into authenticity (and in-authenticity).
Yelling is just the frustrated cousin of telling. It seeks to use volume (external or internal) to make its point. It uses force, not power.
Coaching opens conversations up; telling, selling, and yelling close them down.
Consider how much time you spend on each of these, and which one is getting you the results you’re after.
Live on Fire!
D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)
Tags: coaching, coaching skills, new perspective, possibilities, self-improvement
Posted in D. Luke Iorio - iPEC CEO
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