Coaching Excellence blog

Victim or Scientist?

November 30th, 2011

“Why me?”

Just reading those words, you can almost feel the weight of this question.  It’s usually asked by a person who feels trapped and alone. More often than not, it also has a lot of victim energy floating around it.

“Why did this have to happen to me?”

“What could I have possibly done to deserve this?”

“How will I ever get my life back to the place where I was before this happened?”

When something unexpected happens, and we label it as bad or overwhelming, most of us tend to naturally ask these questions from a victim point of view.

Here comes the opportunity: the next time something unexpected happens in your life, and you feel the weight of the questions you typically ask yourself, recognize that weight. Then, ask yourself those same questions again, but do so with the energy of a scientist instead of a victim. Instead of putting all of that weight and victim energy behind each question, approach these questions from the standpoint that you may or may not have a literal answer. Be open to the fact that there might not be a visible answer right now –  and that’s okay.

Picture yourself in a lab coat, with spectacles and a Sigmund Freud look of curiosity on your face.

“Why did this happen to me? Hmmm…..”  Take down some notes that may lead you to better understand the possible lesson and/or opportunity at hand.

“What could I have possibly done to deserve this? Hmmm…. Maybe nothing? That’s interesting.” Then, take the next step to find a potential solution.

“How will I get my life back to the place where it was before this happened? Hmmm…” Write down potential steps to get you moving in the direction you’d prefer to be headed.

Anybody can be a victim; choose to be a scientist.

Enjoy the Ride!

Ryan M. Stanley, CPC
Social Media Guy
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

Ryan Stanley is an iPEC graduate and received his CPC in August of 2009. He currently heads up the Social Media department at iPEC and also has his own coaching practice where he focuses on working with musicians and other individuals throughout the music industry.

Life Just Is

October 24th, 2011

Wouldn’t it be great if we could appreciate each experience we have without judgment? When things are painful, we label them as bad and want them to end. When things are enjoyable, we label them as good and are disappointed when they end.

Life just is. There are no good or bad experiences; there are only experiences, and without judgment, all will offer you value.

This week, instead of judging your life, try to be an observer instead of just the participant.

—Bruce D Schneider, MCC, PhD
Founder,
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

Closing the Great Divide

October 19th, 2011

The income gap, the education gap, the “class” gap, etc. — whatever the gap is — it’s widening.  It’s widening for a lot of complex reasons; however, a major contributing dynamic is the polarization of expressed views.

When did compromise and collaboration become dirty words?  Or actions that are deemed weak?

Polarizing — or extreme — views can be used very effectively to see new perspectives, to expand the conversation, and to challenge accepted norms.  However, if left unchecked and not used as a tool, but as an ideology, taking the extreme view entrenches the other side into their extreme view, as each side attempts to get the other to budge.

I know this may be surprising, but I’m simply talking politics here.  This takes place every day in our lives, our corporations, and even our homes.  We think that, if we retreat into our point of view and pull further back, we’ll somehow pull the other side into the middle – as if our debates were some game of tug-of-war.

Coaches, leaders, and educators are comfortable and confident enough to step into the middle; to weigh not only their views, but the views on all sides of them; to look for the commonality that exists; and to close the divide.  Once the respective sides realize that they share 80% of their goals, progress can be made through compromise and collaboration.

Right now, too many of our conversations and decisions are at a standstill; we need to learn to compromise to get the ball rolling once again.  Later, we can learn to fully collaborate and, perhaps, even help each other.

Weigh all perspectives, look for common ground, get commitment on that common ground, and isolate the balance for discussion, framing it in the perspective that each side is essentially getting 90% of what they actually asked for in the beginning.

Live on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

Progress – Not Just a Goal, but a Principle

October 5th, 2011

A quick recap and two take-away strategies that I sure hope you use.

I recently finished reading a great new book, The Progress Principle, by Theresa Amabile.  Boiling down and oversimplifying the point of the book, it asserts — supported by tremendous research — that people are most satisfied and engaged (thus, in a better mood) when they’re making progress on meaningful work.

Progress needs to be measurable and specific, but doesn’t necessarily need to be momentous.  Steady steps and small wins are just as important as big leaps forward.

As for meaningful work, well, that means the work has a purpose that aligns the individual’s sense of contribution and values with the goals and values of the organization and/or project.

There are many things that can both support progress (“catalysts,” as Amabile puts it), and take away from it (“setbacks”).

Which leads me to my two cents. The catalysts and setbacks described in the book are truly about the environment in which you’re situated and the way in which you react to your perceptions of how progress is being achieved.

Note the italicized text.  Progress is truly perception of progress.  Yes, there are environmental factors (meaning the culture of the organization, people you work with, etc.); however, it’s your perception that determines whether something is a catalyst or a setback.

When a project doesn’t go as planned, how disappointed do you get?  And, how excited do you get?  Consider what the disappointment is about and contrast that with this question: What about this so-called failure is absolutely perfect in order to slingshot me forward?

I’ll even re-use the old, worn-out Edison story here because it highlights the point.  Upon failing to invent the light bulb for the gazillionth time, Edison’s assistant asks him how he can deal with the repeated failure.  Edison mythically replies, “Son, I just discovered the gazillionth way to not invent the light bulb.”  Ok, so maybe it wasn’t a gazillion – but that’s how often I’ve heard this story… and it’s still important.

The point is this: success is how you perceive progress! And it’s completely within your control.  And, by the way, Edison used those so-called failures to launch a number of inventions that would never have been possible without “failing” so often.

Ok, so you can manage your perceptions, and I can promise you that managing them in the moment — at that very time when you realize your expectations won’t be met (and you get disappointed) — is the toughest time to do it.

Which leaves two options:

-    If you’re already there, with unmet expectations and disappointment, be okay with it!  It’s okay to be disappointed when you’ve invested a lot of yourself into something.  And forgive yourself, and those around you, for it not working out as planned. Seriously, what ever actually goes exactly as planned?  Even great successes?  Next, start asking yourself questions about what aspects went right.  What were the best practices you can take away from this experience?  What learning can you apply to your next attempt? And so on…

-    And here’s the preferable method: BE PRESUMPTIVE, which means setting your expectations — ahead of time — to consider that things may not go as planned.  Focus on how you can evaluate what’s going on and use all the data and information that’s coming back to you to make progress.  Pre-determine how setbacks are likely blessings in disguise.  Set a purpose and intention for those setbacks before they even occur.  This isn’t planning to fail; it’s planning to get back up even when you’ve been knocked down.  It’s about being resolved to see it through.  It’s about creating opportunity and possibility from what others may not see.  It’s about leading — leading yourself and leading others — because in the face of a so-called setback, you’ll be the one who’s calm, collected…and even excited!

Progress is your perception.  Your perception is your choice.

Sorry – I know it’s easier to let circumstances dictate your progress; it’s easier to let those other forces lead, but leaders lead. And they do so because they CHOOSE to lead.

Live (and Lead) on Fire!

D. Luke Iorio, CPC, PCC, ELI-MP
President & CEO
Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)

You Are Not Your Thoughts

September 26th, 2011

“You have thoughts, feelings, and emotions, but you are not your thoughts, feelings or emotions.” - Frances Vaughn

Life’s experiences often seem to cause us much anxiety, fear, and worry. That’s because we identify with the emotional experience that we are having at any given moment. We own the experience and allow it to become us, instead of simply observing the situation and the feelings that come.

This week, instead of “owning” any emotional reaction, try instead to feel what you feel without identifying with the feeling, and simply be an observer of the experience.

—Bruce D Schneider, MCC, PhD
Founder, Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC)