Coaching Excellence blog

Happy Valentine’s Day!

February 15th, 2010

Chocolates and flowers, love poems and hearts … but Valentine’s Day is so much more than just a Hallmark Holiday!  It reminds us to honor the gift of relationships, which bring us much joy (sometimes pain) and, frequently, growth. Here are a few thoughts on relationships and love in celebration of Valentine’s Day.

Without relationships, we would have no mirror to see ourselves.  We would not have a sounding board against which to base our own experiences.  The people in our lives give us clues as to what we believe about ourselves. Hopefully, they are mirroring how much we express our real Self.

“Relationships with other people allow you to share experiences and perspectives, so that all can remember who they are … in relation to one another,” says Bruce D Schneider, Founder, iPEC Coaching (www.ipeccoaching.com). “We all have intimate, social, and professional relationships, and certainly we experience highs and lows in each of our relationships,” he adds. “In low times, it’s often the underlying values of each member in the relationship that are in conflict. Greater harmony and synthesis can be created by an understanding of the role that values play in relationships.”

When we are in the right relationship with ourselves, we can then enjoy and value other relationships for what they truly offer. Instead of coming from need and lack, we can realize that our relationships are gifts, helping us to relate to others in an empowering way.

Valentine’s Day offers us an opportunity to show gratitude to those in our lives who we value, and who ideally bring out the best in us.

“Remember the small moments,” comments D. Luke Iorio, CEO, iPEC (www.ipeccoaching.com). “For Valentine’s Day, we often get caught up in the big plans, the romantic dinner and evening, the perfect special gift. But really, isn’t it the small things that lead to the strongest relationships?  It’s doing a few extra chores around the house without being asked; it’s the random bouquet of flowers on Tuesday just because; it’s picking up your spouse’s favorite snack while at the store. The core message of Valentine’s Day can be expressed 365 days a year. The secret of Valentine’s Day is to remember all of the little things that we can do all year long for those that we care about.”

Through the Eyes of A Coach

February 12th, 2009

Today's guest blogger is Michelle Kunz, Director of iPEC's Washington, DC school.

February — the month of Groundhogs, Love and Presidents. What do these three have in common? At first glance, nothing at all. But if we look with curiosity — with the eyes of a coach, we begin to see a different pattern emerge.

We enjoy Groundhog Day as a fun, kid-centered tradition that will tell us how much longer winter will last. The expectation is that the groundhog will see his shadow or not, and this predicts our seasonal future. In our hearts we know there is little connection between a groundhog and the seasons, but we like the idea that we could really know how long until the sunny sun of spring can be counted on to stick around.

Valentine's Day — many people have a love/hate relationship with this day. If you're in a relationship, you may have expectations around what your partner should or should not do to observe the day which honors love. If you aren't in a relationship, you may have some feelings about that when people around you are receiving flowers and chocolates. Our society has laid plenty of expectations on us around what success in love should or should not be, and we often eat those messages up without giving very much consideration to how well they serve us as individuals.

President's Day traditionally honors our most famous and, some might say, heroic presidents from the past. Whether their stories are based on truth or have become the stuff of conventional legend is not as important to us on this day as that we have founding fathers that stand on very high pedestals and can provide role models for us. We often use these examples as guidelines for what we expect from our current leaders, regardless of the shift in cultural contexts which may have occurred since the founding of the nation. How can a modern president possibly stand up to the expectation to be a Washington or a Lincoln when these men have become more icons than actual men? And why would we measure anyone against the expectation to be anyone else?

Do you see the theme yet? Expectations. I learned earlier this year while on personal retreat a key difference between expectations and intentions, and it has to do with how much attachment we have around the end result. When we look at our goals with the eyes of a coach, we learn the difference between setting intentions and being passionately engaged in the activities which will get us there, and having expectations — insisting that the end result be this or that. We learn to be flexible within the context of our growth and development, and new possibilities enter our frame of reference as we move through our journey. I encourage you to explore this in your own life and see what you uncover.

Warm regards for a month free of expectations and full of intentions,
Michelle