By: Aura Jgamadze
Being All of Me, Unapologetically: An iPEC Student's Experience of Coach Training
Aura is an iPEC student attending our virtual coach training program. She will be sharing her experiences during different points throughout the program as she progresses through it—stay tuned!
Mod III, Online, 8-10 May 2020
Yes, you read that right: 30 hours online, virtually, over the weekend. Even though I would have loved to see everyone face to face, the growth that was taking place within me could not wait. So I decided to do it anyway, even though it would take being in front of a screen for 30 hours during the course of the weekend.
I am glad I joined. You know when a butterfly is ready to leave its cocoon, it does not wait around for the perfect circumstances and when everything is just right. When it’s time, it’s time.
That was a bit how I felt. But wait a sec. I thought I was already a butterfly, that I hatched that cocoon a while back?
I am starting to believe that we have quite a few of those cocoon-butterfly moments in our lives, not just one. I guess you could pretty much have them daily. How would that be?
After Mod III I realized more and more how I’ve let fear guide my life. By doing so I have not allowed myself to be all of me.
I have been so busy with what people would think of me, you know, that they would like me. And you know what? Me wanting to be liked made me invisible in this world. And that’s painful.
I would rather have a few people who love all of me than have a bunch of people who love their own vision they have of me and for me.
If people don’t like me, cool. If they don’t want to be with me, that’s OK too. That only makes space for those for whom it is a “hell yeah” to be with me (and vice versa). Other people’s judgements have actually nothing to do with me, not even the “good” ones.
Like this blog for example. A few years back, I would not have written this, let alone shared it with a wider audience. “What would people think of me?” I would have thought. What other people think of me is none of my business—it says more about them than about me. And the same goes for what I see in others; it says more about me.
I tried to be everyone’s cup of coffee while I don’t even like coffee.
I used to colour within the lines and wanted to have it perfect. And you know what that has cost me? Living a life in which I constantly held back and played small. Living a life according to what others and society told me to live, while all I wanted was to colour outside those lines.
No holding back.
No playing small.
What would it look like for you to step into all of you and to be all of you, unapologetically, and to express yourself unconditionally? What would your life look like if you did?
I used to be at the mercy of what was going on around me. Once I started observing myself and perceiving my life as a perfect adventure; a game that cannot be won or lost, only played, my life started changing.
I am starting to get glimpses of living my life as though heaven was on earth. And that is beyond what I expected prior to joining iPEC.